I haven’t been blogging much lately. To be honest, I haven’t been thinking about diabetes much lately. Part of that is that I’ve been crazy busy, but another part is that I needed a break from the D (as much of a break that’s possible from a chronic condition).
I’ve spent a significant amount of time the past year thinking, talking, reading and writing about diabetes. And while it’s been hugely helpful – I’ve found amazing resources and support through the DOC – it’s been all-consuming at times. There is much more to me than diabetes and I don’t want to spend all of my time worrying about my future with the disease.
That being said, I have been thinking some about what my body was doing at this time last year. I was diagnosed at the end of January 2010, which means my pancreas was likely already struggling the month(s) prior. I often wonder when things went wrong. As I enjoyed my Thanksgiving meal last month and holiday cookies this week, I wondered how my body handled similar splurges in 2009. Did I spend last Christmas with blood sugar in the 200s, 300s, 400s? When did my blood sugar start creeping up and up?
After my diagnosis a close friend said she remembered I’d been really tired and rundown at the end of the year. I guess I vaguely remember that too, but it’s kind of how I feel toward the end of every year. It’s impossible to know if I was dragging in November 2009 because of a hectic, non-stop schedule, or because my pancreas was starting to malfunction.
It’s not worth spending too much time trying to pinpoint the beginning, since I’ll never really know. I guess I should just be thankful that my 2009 self was able to enjoy the holidays, blissfully unaware of what was to come in the new year.